The Best Lesson I Didn’t Know I Was Learning

Three years ago, I started a small side business to earn a few hundred pounds a month. I never imagined that the biggest reuturn wouldn't be financial at all.

Over the past year, I’ve found myself spending time with some incredibly successful business owners, the sort of people I probably wouldn’t have crossed paths with a few years ago.

Before I met them, I had a clear picture of what success looked like. I assumed it was about turnover, profit, company size or headcount. That was the scorecard in my mind. If you’d asked me to picture a successful entrepreneur, I’d have imagined someone constantly checking their phone, rushing between meetings, surviving on four hours’ sleep and an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

What surprised me was that very few of the people I’ve met actually fit that picture.

I’ve spent 26 years as an employee and genuinely loved my career. Like many people, I worked my way up, taking on bigger roles with greater responsibility. Looking back, the version of success I had in my head was probably the one I was already living. The higher you climb in larger organisations, the more your diary seems to belong to everyone else. More meetings, more emails, more pressure and more responsibility. That’s not a criticism of employment. It’s simply the reality of many senior roles.

Then Rob and I became dads.

Like every parent, our priorities shifted overnight. Not only did children become a rather expensive new addition to the household, they also became the centre of our world. As the years went on, and particularly as we realised our two wonderful children would need a little more from us than most, I deliberately chose roles that gave me more time at home. Not because I lacked ambition, but because I wanted to be there more.

My definition of success hadn’t changed at all, but my priorities had.

My final employer was brilliant. In many ways, it was probably the best employer I’ll ever work for. They gave me opportunities, flexibility and support that I’ll always be grateful for, so this certainly isn’t a story about leaving employment because I was unhappy.

Around three years ago, I also started building my Utility Warehouse business. It wasn’t born from some grand entrepreneurial vision. Like many families, we simply wanted a few extra hundred pounds each month so that the last week before payday involved a little less creative budgeting.

At the time, I don’t think I fully appreciated what was happening. Alongside building an additional income, I was also surrounding myself with people who had already walked the path I was just starting.

There was one moment that really made me stop and think. I remember earning around £500 in about 90 minutes and thinking, that’s definitely not the hourly rate in my day job. It wasn’t really about the money. It was the realisation that, if I could do that a few times each month, perhaps there was another way to build a career.

I don’t think that moment changed my life overnight. It simply made me curious enough to keep learning.

One of the things I’ve valued most over the past three years is how generous people have been with their time. Complete strangers at first, many of whom have built incredibly successful businesses, have shared what they’ve learnt, celebrated every milestone and quietly cheered me on. There has never been a sense of competition. If anything, they seem genuinely invested in helping others succeed because someone once did exactly the same for them. The funny thing is, I don’t think any of them realised they were teaching me anything. They were simply sharing their own experiences, but over time those conversations quietly reshaped the way I thought about success.

As I spend more time growing that business, I’m starting to understand why. Success feels so much more rewarding when you help someone else achieve it too, and I hope that, over the years ahead, I can do exactly the same for somebody who’s just beginning their own journey.

At the same time, business networking has introduced me to another group of people I’ve grown to really value. One of the joys of seeing the same faces month after month is that conversations naturally move beyond what people do and into who they are. Over lunches, cups of tea and the occasional glass of wine, you celebrate wins, talk through challenges, share ideas and gradually get to know the person behind the business.

Now that I’m spending more time growing my own business, I’ve also gained something that was in pretty short supply before: time to think. When you’re juggling a demanding career, family life, school meetings, appointments and everything else life throws at you, reflection rarely happens. You simply deal with what’s in front of you and move on.

It’s only recently that I’ve started looking back over those conversations and quietly joining the dots. What struck me was how consistent they all were.

When you ask successful people about their lives, they rarely start with turnover or profit. They talk about taking their children to school, travelling more, building great teams, helping others succeed, taking a random Tuesday afternoon off or simply having the freedom to say yes when something important comes along. They’re proud of what they’ve built, but they don’t seem to measure success by the business itself. They measure it by what their business allows them to do.

With two children who need a little more from us than most, time has become our most valuable asset. Being able to finish early for a school event, work from France during the summer holidays or simply be there when one of those inevitable calls comes from school means more to me today than another promotion ever could.

Money still matters. It pays the bills, provides security and opens doors that might otherwise stay closed.

Money creates choices.

Perhaps that’s the best lesson I didn’t know I was learning.

The people I’ve met over the past few years aren’t building businesses simply to make more money. They’re building businesses that give them the freedom to choose how they spend their time, where they spend it and, perhaps most importantly, who they spend it with.

Success isn’t measured by what you’ve built. It’s measured by the life you’ve built because of it.

Looking back, I don’t think my definition of success changed at all.

I finally had the time to appreciate what success meant to me.

About James Tanner

James Tanner spent 26 years in senior leadership before choosing a different path that gives him more time with his family. Alongside growing his Utility Warehouse business, he is passionate about business networking, helping people save money, building genuine relationships and creating more freedom, flexibility and choice through Utility Warehouse. When he’s not working, you’ll usually find him spending time with Rob and their two children or making the most of family life in France.